Ever since I got a full time job and my own apartment, I have been thinking a lot about responsibility. I don’t mean the usual crap that your parents tell you about responsibility when you get a pet, I mean like how scary it is to have it and why so many people of avoid it.
At my job I am responsible for a lot of things, mainly innovations and troubleshooting. My biggest fear is that I will somehow forget to do something and it will hurt the business. The really scary part is that I work with the admin program and our server, which is like the beating heart of the business. I have to tripple check before I touch a button that could accidentally delete a medical record and get us sued.
It is my job to know everything about everything. When I suggest we try a new program or messages of doing something, I have to know every aspect of what I am suggesting and how it might affect the business. It is a lot of pressure. There are times in the day when I am stuck. I can’t do my job all by myself, sometimes I have to work with other people and their computers. Unfortunately sometimes they are not cooperative.
When my boss asks why something is not done I feel bad saying it is because I am waiting on someone else. I feel like that is an excuse, a way of shrugging off responsibility. When I read the book Atlas Shrugged, a constant theme was people avoiding responsibility. They always had an excuse for why something wasn’t done. I really do not want to be like that but there are times when I really can’t do something because of someone else. What are you supposed to do in those situations? What are you supposed to do when something is honestly not your fault? Is responsibility taking the blame even though you there was nothing you could do?
I get the feeling responsibility of something that can only hurt you. When you are responsible for something and it goes well no one says anything because that is what was supposed to happen; however, if something goes wrong your screwed. This is why people try to avoid responsibility. But if everyone avoids responsibility nothing gets done, just like in Atlas Shrugged.
I guess in those situations I usually just take the blame even though there was nothing I could possibly do. My job requires that I go into uncharted territory, I don’t have all the answers and I admit that. I try my best, yet sometimes some things still go wrong. I can be working very hard and something I never considered will screw me.
It is really frustrating to know you’re doing your best and yet to still have unexpected things go wrong. I love my job and the people I work with but sometimes the responsibility can be very scary. If I fuck up it is not only my livelihood that is at risk but the livelihood of others as well…